If you’re in a truly happy relationship, you probably know that it’s not all rainbows and sunshine, like most people would believe. Sure, there may have been a bit of luck involved in getting you and your partner together, but it sure as heck took more than luck to keep you that way – and happy, at that.
Relationships – while very rewarding – take hard work! It takes teamwork and companionship to make a relationship a happy one. Happy couples know this, and they reap the rewards of their labor. Want to know what you can do to make your relationship the best it could be? Psych2Go presents to you 12 things couples do to make their relationships the happiest they can be.
1 – They Cuddle
Happy couples like to be physically close with each other. But this doesn’t just mean sex! Other forms of physical affection – hugging, kisses, handholding, cuddling – are all ways that healthy couples reinforce their bond. A study from the Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science found that……
Upfront this is all anecdotal and generalised but I think its worth fleshing out. I honestly think there are a lot of similarities between BPD and Autism. Different mechanisms leading to similar actions. In a way we also form strangely good and easy friendships.
Both are stigmatised by the neurotypical world. Both have tried to google ways to cope with their disorders only to find article after article about how they are ‘so hard to cope with’ and ‘breaking the family apart’. We can feel each other’s pain about this.
Both tend to feel very alone. Autistic people have a hard time making friends due to social deficits whereas BPD people tend to seek out relationships with others and feel a huge fear of abandonment. I think both lead to us being more open to making friends with those outside of the ‘norm’ and thus find each other with less judgement that we’d face from neurotypicals.
Both BPD and autistic people change how they speak around others to suit them. The BPD people because of an transient sense of self and the Autistic people due to social scripting leading us to pick up words and phrases we like t add to our library for social interaction. This leads to a sharing of language between us that helps tighten bonds.
Both BPD and Autistic people have weird and wild interests. Whether it be due to a lack of a sense of self or special interests that help us escape the real world, we always have something to talk about in depth which helps the autistic person’s lack of small talk ability. We’re also passionate which is infectious and affirming.
Both are incredibly caring individuals. Both are hypersensitive in terms of sensory contact and emotions. While BPD is more geared towards the emotions of others and less the sensory world, its a common trait that we can relate to each other with. We become loyal quickly and it can lead to very stable partnerships.
Autistic people tend to be very direct in how we feel towards others. Our lack of social skills also tends to lead us to “Treat others as you want to be treated” which tends to mean being very close in our own way and being overly nice as well. This can help ease BPD people as we are likely if we get to know you to very early on say upfront that we like you and you are our friend. The direct language also helps avoid the idea of hidden meanings in that statement. Whereas neurotypicals might find it too much or too forward, its a different matter with BPD people as they communicate in different means much like Autistics.
That is not to say that it is all roses. One problem I have seen is a tendency for Autistic people to default to “Well I said it once so I don’t need to say it again” in regards to BPD people’s need for affirmation. Our inability to pick up on problems when they occur. As well as Autistic stubbornness when problems do occur. Whats needed is openness about each other’s needs and feelings.
Both sides would need to learn to accommodate the other. But as an Autistic person, I think there are a lot of similarities that help us come together and have wonderful relationships. In a lot of ways we’re two sides of the same coin.
